Walpurgis night, 2007

Tonight is Walpurgis night (supposing you’re one for pagan gods and such), which means good old Nick is sitting atop some mountain in Europe raising hell and stuff (I mean the prince of darkness, not Vladimir Putin), and I’ve got The Ghost of Frankenstein on DVD, with Lon Chaney as the creature (the first non-Karloff movie) and Bela Lugosi doing this kickass interpretation of the hunchback. Jesus, Bela Lugosi kicks ass anytime!
Anyway, it’s certainly not as good as the James Whale-directed features (the first two), but on the other hand all that homoer*tic innuendo is way too spooky for a night in bald mountain

…Which, by the way, was made into a Fantasia segment by Walt Disney and the animators actually used Bela Lugosi as the inspiration for the über-ass-kicker who was Chernobog.
It’s kind of funny because people always refer to Fantasia as “the one in which Mickey is a wizard”, but I’ve always thought of it as, “the one with the badass dem*n in the ending”.

Have I told you of when, one Saturday afternoon, this drop-dead gorgeous blonde knocked on my door and said she did Disney plays for the stage, for children, and was asking for contributions from everyone in the building for this show about the Disney villains she was thinking of doing…?
My first impulse was to thank good ol’ Nick for having such a hot neighbor in the first place, because she was pretty much combining my two favorite topics in life: slender hot blondes and cartoon villains. Then I asked her whether she’d let me do Chernobog: That I’d probably let her paint me all black from head to toe and paste up big cardboard bat-like wings on my back.
She had no idea of what I was talking about. I think she thought I was hitting on her. Which I was. But the whole “Mickey as a wizard” bit was such a turnoff I ended up giving her just five bucks, and that was that.

But hey, she did show me some photographs of past gigs she’d done and there was one in which she was dressed up as Alice from Disney’s Alice in Wonderland and god almighty… It was even better than seeing those p*rn flicks in which Asian p*rnstars in their mid-20s play High School girls with those skirts and stuff. The ensuing dialogue was something like this:

Me: “Can I keep the photograph?”
Girl: “No.”

Walpurgis night tonight and Bela Lugosi in gorgeous b&w in lieu of the hot neighbor blonde dressed like a Victorian pre-pubescent girl. But hey we surf any zeitgeist we got, man.
Walpurgis night usually means we’re taking the next day off (tomorrow), or course: “May Day” and all that, because of that funny quirk civilization’s got of turning pagan holidays into boring official stuff all drenched in red-tape and the mundane.
Like Christmas, you know?

But hey a day off work is a day off work is a day off work, just as a rose is a rose is a rose…

IV. This just in:
Well, scratch the Bela Lugosi DVD plans. This guy B**** just invited me over for pizza and I told him sure, great, but also that if he were not married we could sacrifice live goats in his apartment then smear their fresh blood all over the walls, and call in some h**kers for an *rgy. But since he’s married pizza’s good, too.
I think that’s probably how Patrick Bateman spends his Walpurgis nights, by the way.

(And in the back of my head Bauhaus starts singing, ”Bela Lugosi is dead… Bela Lugosi is dead…”)