Dreaming up the perfect trailer for the perfect movie
Okay, I wrote this one about a couple of years ago but it’s too funny to be forgotten, so here goes nothing.
OBS, You gotta try and visualize the imagery and listen to the voices in your head, else the gig’s shot. Also, this is not a movie script in any sense, just the notes for the “perfect trailer” for the perfect movie.
----------------------------------------------------
[SCENE 1]
EXT. PARIS ROOFTOPS - DAY
Panoramic B&W shot of Paris, closing in & panning to the right in slo-mo over the roofs of the houses.
1. VOICE OVER: 1943...
[SCENE 2]
EXT. PARIS CITY STREETS - DAY
Pan down to street level now in full-color as hundreds of NAZI SOLDIERS march through the streets.
2. V.O.: AS THE OLD CONTINENT PLUNGED INTO AN ERA OF UNPARALLELED DARKNESS...
[SCENE 3]
INT. THE SEWERS OF PARIS – CANDLELIT
PARTISAN SOLDIERS in rags BOW OVER a makeshift wooden table in the half-light. ALICE (blond girl, Victorian dress, about 16 years old) SITS CROSSLEGGED over the tabletop among the men, DRINKING from a steaming cup of tea in her hand.
3. V.O.: ...ONLY ONE HEROINE HAD WHAT IT TOOK TO KEEP THE END OF THE WORLD AT BAY...
3. ALICE: My, my! What adventures we shall have to-day!
[SCENE 4]
EXT. PARIS CITY STREETS - DAY
Close on a PANZER TANK as it FIRES ITS CANNON against the base of the Eiffel Tower, effectively tearing off a piece of it.
4. V.O.: THIS SUMMER...
4. SFX: BOOM!
[SCENE 5]
EXT. THE GRASSY HILLS OF EUROPE- DAY
A bird’s eye-view over the grassy hills of Europe closing in on Alice as she BOWS DOWN to ADMIRE a flower on the ground.
5. V.O.: WE TAKE THE CHILDREN´S #1 FAIRY TALE...
5. ALICE: This is such a wonderful place!
[SCENE 6]
EXT. THE GRASSY HILLS OF EUROPE- DAY - CONT’D
A squadron of 4 or 5 STUKA BOMBERS PLUNGE OVER Alice, BLASTING their machine guns.
6. V.O.: ...STRAIGHT BEHIND THE SIEGFRIED LINE!!
6. SFX: Blam! Blamblam! Vuoooooosh! Blam!
[SCENE 7]
EXT. LONDON CITY STREETS - NIGHT
Alice DASHES across London holding the Union Jack in her hands as GERMAN SNIPERS OPEN FIRE from the rooftops.
7. V.O.: STARRING: ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE MILLA JOJOVICH AS ALICE...
7. ALICE: We do this for England and the Free World!
[SCENE 8]
INT. THE OVAL ROOM, WASHINGTON DC- DAY
Close on PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT laughs with his AIDE.
8. V.O.: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER RODNEY DANGERFIELD AS PRESIDENT FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT...
8. ROOSEVELT: Now we´re sending 16-year-old girls to war? Maybe I should go to war!
8. AIDE: May I remind you, sir, that you cannot walk?
8. ROOSEVELT: Well! Hahh! That never stopped me before!
[SCENE 9]
INT. AMERICAN LABORATORY- NIGHT
DR. OPPENHEIMER, a scientist in a white apron and horn-rimmed glasses, MUSES OVER a blackboard filled with equations.
9. V.O.: ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE PIERCE BROSNAN AS MANHATTAN PROJECT´S DR. OPPENHEIMER...
9. DR. OPPENHEIMER: Yes. Yes. I´ve been meaning to give the japs our plutonium farewell but I think we can take our little fat toy for a trial spin in secrecy into occupied Europe first...
[SCENE 10]
INT. BERLIN PRISON - NIGHT
A VERY TOUGH AMERICAN SARGENT dressed in a tattered, dirty Uncle Sam costume, is INTERROGATED by NAZI SOLDIERS… then RISES and PUNCHES one of them in the face.
10. V.O.: ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE BRUCE WILLIS AS A VERY TOUGH AMERICAN SGT...
10 NAZI SOLDIER: And who are you supposed to be? Uncle Sam?
10. VERY TOUGH AMERICAN SGT: Naaw. I´m Santa for the dyslexic and the color-blind.
10 SFX: SOC!
[SCENE 11]
INT. NAZI PRISON - NIGHT
HIMMLER the Nazi official BARKS ORDERS at his SOLDIERS, while Alice is HELD CAPTIVE in chains on a stone wall in the background.
11. V.O.: ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE DAVID HYDE PIERCE AS HIMMLER FROM THE SS...
11. HIMMLER: Release the Zyklon! Kill the prisoner!
[SCENE 12]
INT. TAVERN IN PARIS - NIGHT
A GIANT HUMANOID BROWN RABBIT [CGI] wearing a derby hat and a black leather jacket with the sayings, “Go Navy” emblazoned on the back and smoking a cigar, BRINGS DOWN three NAZI SOLDIERS by hitting them with his BIG FAT ASS.
12. V.O.: ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE JAMES BELUSHI AS THE VOICE OF EARL THE STREETSMART BROOKLYN HARE, COUSIN TO THE WHITE RABBIT...
12. EARL: Yeah! Goose-step this, ya damn bastards!
[SCENE 13]
INT. NAZI HEADQUARTERS - DAY
An enraged HITLER SHOUTS at his officials.
13. V.O.: ...AND ACADEMY AWARD WINNER DONALD SUTHERLAND AS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL!
13. HITLER: Off... with... her... head!!
[SCENE 14]
CGI ANIMATION AGAINST ALL-BLACK BACKGROUND
A steel swastika is branded against the stylized figure of a white rabbit. A lonely text, “Soon” appears right underneath after a metallic “clang”-like sound.
14. V.O.: ALICE´S ADVENTURES IN FATHERLAND. COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU!
OBS, You gotta try and visualize the imagery and listen to the voices in your head, else the gig’s shot. Also, this is not a movie script in any sense, just the notes for the “perfect trailer” for the perfect movie.
----------------------------------------------------
[SCENE 1]
EXT. PARIS ROOFTOPS - DAY
Panoramic B&W shot of Paris, closing in & panning to the right in slo-mo over the roofs of the houses.
1. VOICE OVER: 1943...
[SCENE 2]
EXT. PARIS CITY STREETS - DAY
Pan down to street level now in full-color as hundreds of NAZI SOLDIERS march through the streets.
2. V.O.: AS THE OLD CONTINENT PLUNGED INTO AN ERA OF UNPARALLELED DARKNESS...
[SCENE 3]
INT. THE SEWERS OF PARIS – CANDLELIT
PARTISAN SOLDIERS in rags BOW OVER a makeshift wooden table in the half-light. ALICE (blond girl, Victorian dress, about 16 years old) SITS CROSSLEGGED over the tabletop among the men, DRINKING from a steaming cup of tea in her hand.
3. V.O.: ...ONLY ONE HEROINE HAD WHAT IT TOOK TO KEEP THE END OF THE WORLD AT BAY...
3. ALICE: My, my! What adventures we shall have to-day!
[SCENE 4]
EXT. PARIS CITY STREETS - DAY
Close on a PANZER TANK as it FIRES ITS CANNON against the base of the Eiffel Tower, effectively tearing off a piece of it.
4. V.O.: THIS SUMMER...
4. SFX: BOOM!
[SCENE 5]
EXT. THE GRASSY HILLS OF EUROPE- DAY
A bird’s eye-view over the grassy hills of Europe closing in on Alice as she BOWS DOWN to ADMIRE a flower on the ground.
5. V.O.: WE TAKE THE CHILDREN´S #1 FAIRY TALE...
5. ALICE: This is such a wonderful place!
[SCENE 6]
EXT. THE GRASSY HILLS OF EUROPE- DAY - CONT’D
A squadron of 4 or 5 STUKA BOMBERS PLUNGE OVER Alice, BLASTING their machine guns.
6. V.O.: ...STRAIGHT BEHIND THE SIEGFRIED LINE!!
6. SFX: Blam! Blamblam! Vuoooooosh! Blam!
[SCENE 7]
EXT. LONDON CITY STREETS - NIGHT
Alice DASHES across London holding the Union Jack in her hands as GERMAN SNIPERS OPEN FIRE from the rooftops.
7. V.O.: STARRING: ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE MILLA JOJOVICH AS ALICE...
7. ALICE: We do this for England and the Free World!
[SCENE 8]
INT. THE OVAL ROOM, WASHINGTON DC- DAY
Close on PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT laughs with his AIDE.
8. V.O.: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER RODNEY DANGERFIELD AS PRESIDENT FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT...
8. ROOSEVELT: Now we´re sending 16-year-old girls to war? Maybe I should go to war!
8. AIDE: May I remind you, sir, that you cannot walk?
8. ROOSEVELT: Well! Hahh! That never stopped me before!
[SCENE 9]
INT. AMERICAN LABORATORY- NIGHT
DR. OPPENHEIMER, a scientist in a white apron and horn-rimmed glasses, MUSES OVER a blackboard filled with equations.
9. V.O.: ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE PIERCE BROSNAN AS MANHATTAN PROJECT´S DR. OPPENHEIMER...
9. DR. OPPENHEIMER: Yes. Yes. I´ve been meaning to give the japs our plutonium farewell but I think we can take our little fat toy for a trial spin in secrecy into occupied Europe first...
[SCENE 10]
INT. BERLIN PRISON - NIGHT
A VERY TOUGH AMERICAN SARGENT dressed in a tattered, dirty Uncle Sam costume, is INTERROGATED by NAZI SOLDIERS… then RISES and PUNCHES one of them in the face.
10. V.O.: ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE BRUCE WILLIS AS A VERY TOUGH AMERICAN SGT...
10 NAZI SOLDIER: And who are you supposed to be? Uncle Sam?
10. VERY TOUGH AMERICAN SGT: Naaw. I´m Santa for the dyslexic and the color-blind.
10 SFX: SOC!
[SCENE 11]
INT. NAZI PRISON - NIGHT
HIMMLER the Nazi official BARKS ORDERS at his SOLDIERS, while Alice is HELD CAPTIVE in chains on a stone wall in the background.
11. V.O.: ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE DAVID HYDE PIERCE AS HIMMLER FROM THE SS...
11. HIMMLER: Release the Zyklon! Kill the prisoner!
[SCENE 12]
INT. TAVERN IN PARIS - NIGHT
A GIANT HUMANOID BROWN RABBIT [CGI] wearing a derby hat and a black leather jacket with the sayings, “Go Navy” emblazoned on the back and smoking a cigar, BRINGS DOWN three NAZI SOLDIERS by hitting them with his BIG FAT ASS.
12. V.O.: ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE JAMES BELUSHI AS THE VOICE OF EARL THE STREETSMART BROOKLYN HARE, COUSIN TO THE WHITE RABBIT...
12. EARL: Yeah! Goose-step this, ya damn bastards!
[SCENE 13]
INT. NAZI HEADQUARTERS - DAY
An enraged HITLER SHOUTS at his officials.
13. V.O.: ...AND ACADEMY AWARD WINNER DONALD SUTHERLAND AS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL!
13. HITLER: Off... with... her... head!!
[SCENE 14]
CGI ANIMATION AGAINST ALL-BLACK BACKGROUND
A steel swastika is branded against the stylized figure of a white rabbit. A lonely text, “Soon” appears right underneath after a metallic “clang”-like sound.
14. V.O.: ALICE´S ADVENTURES IN FATHERLAND. COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU!
posted by 186282mps at 8:15 AM
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