Life, geocentric

“This is like, total crap,” she tells me when I present her with the proper instructions to operating the software. “You’re such an assh*le, you know that?”
“Whoa baby,” I smile back at her. “Did Dante ever badmouth Virgil for the ride?”
“Who’s that?”
“…And I’m Virgil, okay? And it’s not even like Virgil was in Hell for being wicked in the first place!”
“You’re not making any sense,” she barks back at me. “What’s a ‘virgil’ anyway?”
“Jesus,” I say as I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose between thumb and forefinger. “Mellow out and listen up, willya…”