Jerry´s pal, Jon Bon Jovi

Now, Jerry absolutely hated Bon Jovi and I really think I hated Jerry. I really think I hate Jerry to this day even though we haven´t seen each other in years and he never lifted a finger against me.

Jerry was one of those kids whom excel at stuff. I was never particularly good at anything and Jerry would make crowds swoon with the piano, would play night and day, would make her mother who taught writing at our school but was a lousy teacher at that (for writing needs not teaching / it needs reading / period) so very proud and would get scores of girls because of the accursed piano.
I have come to understand & even accept how I lost the most gorgeous girl I´ve been with [a true goddess wearing human flesh!] to my best friend because he had this electric guitar and would play those riffs kind of like Mark Knopfler while doing his best/worst Sting impression on Money for Nothing, not really good but good enough to get the girl away from me and into his arms on the balcony of the ballroom during their Graduation… Guitar equals power just like a car, that´s a given.
But a piano? C´mon Jerry this isn´t the nineteenth century for cryin´ out loud! Men don´t use handkerchiefs anymore!

My cousin was Jerry´s best friend and I was pretty close to my cousin in those days so Jerry and I we ended up being fast friends, only not quite. Things were amicable between us to the point that there were sleepovers at Jerry´s, his mom´s living room while we were all drunk (things to do on a High School weekend other than getting drunk? None!); his mother the lousy writing teacher was ok with that. The piano towered above us fallen kids like a pagan idol mocking my deepest beliefs in… well, things in general.

On a sidenote Jerry´s real name wasn´t Jerry, that was his nickname which I suppose was taken from Tom & Jerry even though he did not look like a brown mouse. Weird thing there ´cause I´m always boasting I have a rather good memory but I can´t for the life of me remember why we called Jerry ´Jerry´ in those days. Maybe because of Jerry Lee Lewis? Gee how lame is that!

Crazy people don´t like people who pretend to be crazy just to get some attention and being mildly odd myself I felt this very strong urge to punch Jerry on the solar plexus every time he started behaving like the eccentric piano-playing kid genius everybody thought he was. Contrary to myself Jerry was a fraud only the piano thing was for real, while I have always been for real though the rest of it never amounting to much more than a fraud in itself.

Come Jerry´s birthday wow we´re sure to have a grand great idea or two- -
I still can´t understand that weird influence that Kurt Cobain or Axel Rose had over the kids back in the 1990s, was never into that Grunge stuff just maybe except for one only Soul Asylum album but everybody else was heavily into Nirvana & co. and despite the piano Jerry was too. Grunge people drank beer and smoked pot and sure as hell despised “cute” stuff like the then-recently-revived, re-christened teenage heartthrob Jon Bon Jovi so for Jerry´s birthday the guys chipped in for this glossy Bon Jovi poster which was huge, it was gargantuan, it was about three or four time the size of a regular movie poster, etc- big focus on Bon Jovi´s face then descending just a bit to show his Superman-tattoo on his arm, etc, all very manly in an extremely gay way, at least for a 15 or 16 year old such as Jerry.
A Bon Jovi poster wasn´t enough so we got Jerry´s older sister, which was kind of cute and very brainy and whom in hindsight I should have definitely asked for a date or something, to sign the poster for him. She wrote in very girlish penmanship- all fancy and stuff- “To my very best friend and #1 fan, Jerry”, then signed J.B.J and kissed it twice in bright red lipstick.
As it is on detective-themed TV shows and superhero comic books, it´s always an inside job so Jerry´s sister let us in his bedroom while he was out probably taking boring piano lessons and we hung the poster on the wall over his bed.
Coming to think of it we might have super-glued the poster to the wall, which didn´t make his mother very happy because the paint would all come off once the poster was removed the following day and all that but you should have seen Jerry go at Bon Jovi, scraping fingernail against paper then plaster then Bon Jovi´s face and Superman-tattoo falling apart…

This is everything I have to say about Jerry, friend to my cousin.

I met Jerry a few years ago on the bus to work. He had just returned from a season abroad in Europe or something, playing the piano, still behaving like a phony assh*le.
I should have punched him right there, on the bus, except I didn´t.