I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to the Earth-3 Owlman (pre-Crisis)

I. Space Age Love Song.
Old testament folks never really got VH1 on cable anyhow, I´m thinking to myself as this cute brown-haired girl is going on and on about something that started out as one of those sad-but-amusing stories regarding her family, or someone that she knows, but then slipped away into a whole different thing, by which time of course I have lost all interest altogether in the conversation, and have since begun paying attention to other stuff - - hence my silently nodding but not to her voice but in fact to the opening riffs to the A Flock of Seagulls´ Space Age Love Song that´s started playing in the back of my head like an automatic FM radio to shield my brain against the boredom of the mundane: Ta-na-na na-na na-na na-na-na I was falling in loooove...

I should be thinking of getting this girl to bed but instead I´m thinking of the funny hairdo that the Seagulls´ lead singer used to have back in the day: Up then combed back like a bird´s; he was probably the first New Wave singer to actually outdo New Wave hairstyles, or at the very least he was one of its biggest exponents. Kind of looked like Owlman if you really think of it, that old Justice League of America supervillain from back in the ´60s that hailed from an alternate Earth where good was bad, and thus he was some evil Batman counterpart or something, but wearing what seems to be stuffed fowl over his head, beak and everything.

II. The Book of Job (guest-starring: Eclipso!).
I have since come to believe I´m here on Earth to be tested by god, like Job, who lost everything but held on to his faith and was deeply rewarded afterwards.

No, wait.

Actually I haven´t come to believe such a thing, mostly because I´m an atheist who finds religion a rather silly idea, not entirely unlike the concept of the Earth-3 Owlman, or the guy with the freak hairdo repeating I was falling in loooove... ad nauseum over bad MTV-heyday-era special effects on cable reruns, but it would be pretty cool if we were all being tested for our respective faiths while here on Earth anyhow.
But really: Ever thought of what you´d be tested for? Jesus Christ, you could be tested for a lot of stuff, I mean, you´re like this golden statue of Wonder Woman for chrissakes. Me? My test would very likely fall within that Seinfeld-ian range going from breakfast cereal to comic books. Like, the answer to that exam´s final question would be, Eclipso debuted in Solar City, which according to the Flash v.2 #106 some good thirty year later, was based in California, of course. But then I´d be damned to hell anyway, because so prone to answering fast without thinking, I would have mistaken The Flash #106 for #107, then realize on my way down to hell: Oh man! 105 started the Mirror Master two-parter! I knew that one by heart because that´s when it the numbering matched up with the Barry Allen´s series that came before!

Oh Eclipso, you´re so gonna be the death of me...

III.Armchair psychology.
People who know me say I have this knack for falling in love with all the wrong people, for all the wrong reasons. A little nudging to the armchair psychology would probably yield that classic defense mechanism that says, when we´re after the unattainable it´s because we´re simply avoiding the other stuff by seeking solace upon a fantasy.

Something like that, hence that latest pet project of mine, falling in love with a girl that´s bound to be married in a couple of months, then going the other way around & playing roulette (russian-style!) with the likes of this cute brunette telling me stories of her family while I decide whether it´s really worth of even trying to get her to bed or not, and ultimately deciding Jesus Christ, what the hell, beats the crap out of ending up all alone at home on some rainy Friday evening.
Yeah well, classic defense mechanism some might say but not the Owlman- - In the back of my head the Owlman´s got his band started with those cool, cool opening riffs to that song of theirs, they´re going ta-na-na na-na na-na na-na-na then nodding to me behind bad MTV-heyday-era special effects as I explain myself to them in their own words: I saw her eyes, she made me smile; for a little while I was falling in loooove...

IV. The bad pun: "This is a Job for Superman!".
Regardless of there actually being a god or not, or whether religion really plays an active role in each of our lives (not in mine though), maybe we are all like Job in a sense, maybe we are all like the Earth-3 Lex Luthor, the purehearted Christ-like bald messiah fighting alone against unsurmountable odds in a land dominated by Owlman & kin.

My point is...
Well, actually this is the bit that´s gotten re-written a lot of times because I´ve indeed found some difficulty in getting to the point.
So the only way of cutting past the dumbassed metaphors and straight to the point, is to put your premises to fight it out:

So picture the ring in your mind: You got your ringside seats alright and this drop-dead gorgeous blonde by your side. You can see myself sitting on the other side. I´m alone and not eyeing the fight per se but the girl a few rows above, she with the fiancé by her side. Fuck. Then the contenders enter the ring, one from each side.
On one side you got Job, undefeated champion of the Old Testament with his iron will and unbreakable faith in god. The crow goes wild, clapping hands and shouting, hurling fedoras up in the air, etc. The only two idiots booing Job are the devil, naturally, who oddly enough also has a drop-dead gorgeous blonde by his side, and me.
On the other side creeps in this guy clad in gray leotards, yellow belt, navy blue trunks, boots and a cape with scalloped ends, and a strikingly peculiar tawny-colored headgear that looks like stuffed fowl. For a second you get to mistake the fight for some one-hit-wonder music video from twenty five years back, but then you realize no, that´s not the guy from A Flock of Seagulls, but in fact that´s Owlman the evil Batman counterpart from Earth-3 (pre-Crisis).

First blood is Job´s, or course, who hurls a stone at the Owlman. Job hurls a stone mostly because I get stuck into writer´s block when it comes to biblical melee attack weaponry, and since most Bible metaphors seem to involve stones... so there.
The Owlman, though, does some funky Batman-dancing with his cape and parries Job´s attack. He then plunges forward like a bat-slash-bird hybrid and draws a quirky-looking sci-fi red pistol from his belt holster. It´s called a Illumina-Gun if the audience is anal-retentive enough to even care. It fires bright bursts of light.
Job instinctly raises his hands to his eyes as he´s temporarily blinded by the flash of light, and thus opens his guard. The Owlman wastes no time and delivers a solid round-house kick to his foe´s solar plexus.
Winded, Job falls to the floor and starts looking around for more stones. Doesn´t find any.
The Owlman is already over him, bending down like a badly-dressed omen, his eyes gleaming like opals.
Job´s first reaction is to panic, I mean, no one´d told him that the Owlman possessed hypnotic powers- - but he does.
So Job falls into a trance, utterly motionless and quiet. Then is dropkicked out of the ring by his avian foe, and loses the fight altogether, much to the dismay of the god-fearing crowd who paid good seats for a one-round-only bar-room brawl.

Now of course Job would nevertheless tell the reporters afterwards that he might have lost the fight but not his faith in god, etc, that kind of stuff.
Dialogue would go like:

JOB: Yes, sure, I guess I did lose to that Owlman fella in the end but hey who hasn´t? My faith in god remains strong as ever, however.
OWLMAN: I shall rule the world!
ME: Yeah, yeah.

V. Is that what they meant by Televangelism?
So yeah, I get to yeah, yeah to myself in the back of my head at this point out of sheer boredom because remember, I´m supposed to be talking to this cute brown-haired girl who´s still is going on and on about something that started out as one of those sad-but-amusing stories regarding her family, or someone that she knows, but then slipped away into a whole different thing, by which time of course I have lost all interest altogether in the conversation, and realized maybe I´d really rather be slouching on the living room couch, zapping with the remote from VH1 to the History Channel, and back again - - And incidentally, just what are the odds of tuning in as they´re showing a A Flock of Seagulls music video??

But hey- - Old testament folks never really got VH1 on cable anyhow, I´m thinking to myself... et al.