The triptych: A gestalt out of Bruce Dickinson, Bret Easton Ellis, and Alfred Bester’s Green Lantern oath from back in ’43

Okay, this one is gonna be a lot of fun:
Last evening I was listening to the radio as I rode the bus home from work. I was listening to a rock and roll station and they were playing several heavy metal songs in sequence, and truth be told I was never into heavy metal even though most of my friends are.

And this is the bit in which we get rather iconoclastic and polemic, because this is the bit in which I say that Bruce Dickinson’s The tears of the dragons is probably the f*cking gayest song I’ve ever heard. And this coming from a guy whom absolutely adores the Pet Shop Boys.
I mean, that whole "I throw myself into the sea / release the wave / let it wash over me" bit is so beyond corny, it’s like it’s been spoken out of a male sauna or something. And then the guy in the song slowly rises, etc, and I’m thinking, Come on! What’s all that about, anyway? And the long hair, and leather jackets, and the tattoos?
Save for a couple of AC/DC songs, I could never really get what people see in heavy metal songs. Not really.

But then I had two bright ideas:
One, that since most comic book fans are also heavy metal fans, the song could easily be transformed into a Green Lantern’s oath, just like in the comic books.
And two, that the song could also be transformed into a mid-1980s piece of prose as if straight out of a Bret Easton Ellis book.

And then… out of the blue…. amidst the never-moving gridlock and the sea of red traffic lights… I had this third, and really weird idea, which was having a Bret Easton Ellis-written Green Lantern oath over the lyrics to the Bruce Dickinson’s song.
Like, most people will clearly tell you that it can’t be done. I wholeheartedly disagree.

Check it out, step by step:

I. The GL oath
First of all we must take the Bruce Dickinson song and have it intertwined with writer’s Alfred Bester classic Green Lantern oath from 1943… that one that goes, “In brightest day, in blackest night… No evil shall escape my sight… Let those who worship evil’s might… beware my power… Green Lantern’s light”.

This is what I came up with:

There are things I should say, to escape from secrets in my mind,
The water is moving, and slowly I wake and rise,
Above the dragon’s tears with wings that give me flight,
I see walls crumble before my power... Green Lantern’s light!

II. The Bret Easton Ellis bit
Now we’re letting go for a second of the GL oath, and getting back to the original lyrics to Dickinson’s song. What follows is a short bit of prose, as if the Tears of the Dragon were a part of a mid-1980s book by Bret Easton Ellis, like The Informers or Less Than Zero:

“I wake up on a cloudy morning, on a particularly bleak winter morning and notice that Bruce’s not where he should be, the sheets still a mess by his side of the bed. I rise, slowly and naked, and put on nothing but an off-white Polo sweater of his despite the cold. Bruce has left the bedroom door slightly open. Still numb, I follow his trail outside and half-stumble into the balcony.
Bruce is standing by the edge of the balcony wearing nothing but a tattoo with the image of a dragon up on the outside his right biceps. I notice he has lost some weight, but I never bring it up.
He sees me and nods, smiles gently. Says nothing. I slip my hand in his and we watch the glaciers thaw and crumble by the icy lake below his father’s villa. Even the light of day is cold.
Bruce lets go of my hand, closes his eyes as if facing unknown childhood fears. I run my fingernail across the tattoo on his arm, and for a split second I have the impression that there are real tears rolling down from the dragon’s eyes.
It is the last day of Winter, 1984.”

III. The GL oath as written by Bret Easton Ellis, over the Bruce Dickinson song
Okay, this is where all the madness comes together & we let it rip:

Out of bed and still hungover, I go outside,
To see Bruce naked on the balcony, in wintertime
A dragon shedding real tears on the tattoo on his arm,
I take his Polo sweater out of the closet… and into Green Lantern’s light!

And that’s a wrap.
…To think I’ve been wasting away my talent at the office, seesh.
I mean, William f*cking Shakespeare couldn’t have pulled this one off himself!

(no wonder the dragon is crying...)