Tight on Peer, pt.II
Okay, this is my second attempt at dusting off an old character of mine who’s been left mostly unused and discarded for the last seven years or so.
The short-term goal here is to make him fly in one page, and not “away from the reader and into the sunset”, but really fly. In the long run what I’m shooting for is, prep up the character for the ordeal of undertaking the lead role in an upcoming 4-part story…
This time, though, we’re using some preliminary planning before we begin.
The premise:
Narrator must make an old forgotten character able to fly after being grounded for years.
The rambling:
Story opens up in an undescript alien environment during sunset. Montgomery Peer is there alone, he used to be the superhero called the Centurion back when he was a kid, but he’s long since retired and grown into adulthood.
Peer, still wearing his full superhero costume, is talking to the omniscient narrator, who is himself struggling to find a way to make Peer fly again.
A first attempt ultimately failed due to lack of planning, and let’s be honest here, also because the narrator ended up losing heart halfway through the page.
Current strategy should minimize catchphrases and attitude and focus on motivation: Why would Peer fly again? Where to? What for?
And this is not like the narrator is pushing for one big spiritual revelation here or in-depth personality study. No. This is basically a “make him fly, period” situation. The rest of it should be left for the story itself, which is to happen in a few months from now.
So the narrator has thought of a mere game of catch: Sending out Peer after something: perhaps after a small, pulsating energy sphere or engaging in battle giant kill*r robots.
Or maybe both.
The narrator has just smiled, by the way.
And by the way that was no synopsis. Let’s not kid ourselves in here.
That was rambling. But as long as it works…
Panel 01
We open this one with MONTGOMERY PEER, age late-20s, athletic, in full black & blue superhero costume, shot from his waist up, arms akimbo and hands resting over his hips, looking kind of restless at the dead center of the panel, facing the reader, against a backdrop of large rock formations and eerie cliffs at twilight.
1.CAPTION/NARRATOR: Seven years later.
2.CAPTION/NARRATOR: I want to believe in you, Montgomery Peer. I really do. I want to believe in you just like I did when I was 9 or 13 or 17 years old. I want to believe in you right now.
3.PEER: Show me the way home.
Panel 02
A small, pulsating glob of reddish fire, about the size of a grapefruit, materializes by Peer’s left and stand there hovering in midair near him. Peer is slightly startled by its appearance.
4.CAPTION/NARRATOR: This is a level-4, cool-temp plasma discharge contained within its own electromagnetic field.
5.PEER: Whaa--?
6.PEER: No, actually it isn’t. Not all that anyway. It’s just a figment of my imagination. But it is able to accelerate itself at a few times over the speed of sound and get the hell away from you through extreme maneuvering and etc.
Panel 03
Shot from Peer’s waistline and looking up at a crooked angle as the energy ball flies away from Peer, shooting upwards into the early evening sky, leaving behind a faint trail of flames.
7.PEER: And you want me to tag it, I presume?
8.CAPTION/NARRATOR: Peer. Show me what you got.
Panel 04
Same perspective, but Peer takes off like a rocket, shooting upwards after the energy ball.
9.PEER: Damn…
Panel 05
Shot with the energy ball straight on the foreground of the panel and to the center, coming at full speed straight towards the reader. Peer closes in on the ball, in the distance.
10.PEER: …right!
Panel 6
The energy ball executes a series of spins and close curves, the so-called extreme maneuvers and so on. Peer follows close, his energy trail mingling with the balls in a dynamic shot that should mostly convey the idea of speed.
11.CAPTION/NARRATOR: Not fast enough, Peer.
12.PEER: Nnnngh…!
Panel 7
Tight on Peer, clearly giving everything he’s got after the ball.
13.PEER: Why.
14.PEER: Can’t.
15.PEER: I.
16.PEER: Just.
17.PEER: Blast.
18.PEER: It.
19.CAPTION/NARRATOR: Because I’m not giving you back any other powers at this moment save for flight.
Panel 8
Extreme close-up on Peer’s face, flying at high speed. We can see he is smiling behind his mask: He’s just come up with a plan.
[no copy] .
Panel 9
Peer suddenly hits on the breaks, shifts to a vertical position in midair, and opens his arms wide. He’s actually very close to the energy ball and his multi-Mach speed is strong enough to generate a vacuum strong enough to dissipate the speeding energy ball
20.PEER: Wrong…
21.PEER: ….Aghhh!....
22.PEER: You’ve given me free will.
23.PEER: …Tag, by the way.
24.CAPTION/NARRATOR: …Tag.
Okay, this is a partial success:
It’s a success because we’ve actually made Peer fly and not only that, because we’ve made Peer Peer, and without solely relying on catchphrases.
Next step is to properly flesh out the flying sequence into something more elaborate and fit to the page, two pages actually, regardless it’s not really part of the story per se.
The short-term goal here is to make him fly in one page, and not “away from the reader and into the sunset”, but really fly. In the long run what I’m shooting for is, prep up the character for the ordeal of undertaking the lead role in an upcoming 4-part story…
This time, though, we’re using some preliminary planning before we begin.
The premise:
Narrator must make an old forgotten character able to fly after being grounded for years.
The rambling:
Story opens up in an undescript alien environment during sunset. Montgomery Peer is there alone, he used to be the superhero called the Centurion back when he was a kid, but he’s long since retired and grown into adulthood.
Peer, still wearing his full superhero costume, is talking to the omniscient narrator, who is himself struggling to find a way to make Peer fly again.
A first attempt ultimately failed due to lack of planning, and let’s be honest here, also because the narrator ended up losing heart halfway through the page.
Current strategy should minimize catchphrases and attitude and focus on motivation: Why would Peer fly again? Where to? What for?
And this is not like the narrator is pushing for one big spiritual revelation here or in-depth personality study. No. This is basically a “make him fly, period” situation. The rest of it should be left for the story itself, which is to happen in a few months from now.
So the narrator has thought of a mere game of catch: Sending out Peer after something: perhaps after a small, pulsating energy sphere or engaging in battle giant kill*r robots.
Or maybe both.
The narrator has just smiled, by the way.
And by the way that was no synopsis. Let’s not kid ourselves in here.
That was rambling. But as long as it works…
Panel 01
We open this one with MONTGOMERY PEER, age late-20s, athletic, in full black & blue superhero costume, shot from his waist up, arms akimbo and hands resting over his hips, looking kind of restless at the dead center of the panel, facing the reader, against a backdrop of large rock formations and eerie cliffs at twilight.
1.CAPTION/NARRATOR: Seven years later.
2.CAPTION/NARRATOR: I want to believe in you, Montgomery Peer. I really do. I want to believe in you just like I did when I was 9 or 13 or 17 years old. I want to believe in you right now.
3.PEER: Show me the way home.
Panel 02
A small, pulsating glob of reddish fire, about the size of a grapefruit, materializes by Peer’s left and stand there hovering in midair near him. Peer is slightly startled by its appearance.
4.CAPTION/NARRATOR: This is a level-4, cool-temp plasma discharge contained within its own electromagnetic field.
5.PEER: Whaa--?
6.PEER: No, actually it isn’t. Not all that anyway. It’s just a figment of my imagination. But it is able to accelerate itself at a few times over the speed of sound and get the hell away from you through extreme maneuvering and etc.
Panel 03
Shot from Peer’s waistline and looking up at a crooked angle as the energy ball flies away from Peer, shooting upwards into the early evening sky, leaving behind a faint trail of flames.
7.PEER: And you want me to tag it, I presume?
8.CAPTION/NARRATOR: Peer. Show me what you got.
Panel 04
Same perspective, but Peer takes off like a rocket, shooting upwards after the energy ball.
9.PEER: Damn…
Panel 05
Shot with the energy ball straight on the foreground of the panel and to the center, coming at full speed straight towards the reader. Peer closes in on the ball, in the distance.
10.PEER: …right!
Panel 6
The energy ball executes a series of spins and close curves, the so-called extreme maneuvers and so on. Peer follows close, his energy trail mingling with the balls in a dynamic shot that should mostly convey the idea of speed.
11.CAPTION/NARRATOR: Not fast enough, Peer.
12.PEER: Nnnngh…!
Panel 7
Tight on Peer, clearly giving everything he’s got after the ball.
13.PEER: Why.
14.PEER: Can’t.
15.PEER: I.
16.PEER: Just.
17.PEER: Blast.
18.PEER: It.
19.CAPTION/NARRATOR: Because I’m not giving you back any other powers at this moment save for flight.
Panel 8
Extreme close-up on Peer’s face, flying at high speed. We can see he is smiling behind his mask: He’s just come up with a plan.
[no copy] .
Panel 9
Peer suddenly hits on the breaks, shifts to a vertical position in midair, and opens his arms wide. He’s actually very close to the energy ball and his multi-Mach speed is strong enough to generate a vacuum strong enough to dissipate the speeding energy ball
20.PEER: Wrong…
21.PEER: ….Aghhh!....
22.PEER: You’ve given me free will.
23.PEER: …Tag, by the way.
24.CAPTION/NARRATOR: …Tag.
Okay, this is a partial success:
It’s a success because we’ve actually made Peer fly and not only that, because we’ve made Peer Peer, and without solely relying on catchphrases.
Next step is to properly flesh out the flying sequence into something more elaborate and fit to the page, two pages actually, regardless it’s not really part of the story per se.
posted by 186282mps at 8:03 AM
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