Tight on Peer, pt.I (this one ends unsuccessfully)
This is a comicbook script tryout so as to dust off a dear old character of my own whom I left mostly untouched for the last seven years or so.
Consider this a “pre-flight inspection” of some sort, completely unrelated to and independent from anything else, either past or present stories or continuities, with the sole objective of seeing how my handling of the character- and the character himself- have both fared after all these years.
We open this one tight on Montgomery Peer, age late-20s, athletic, in full black & blue skintight superhero costume… and I’ll pretty much think of the rest of it as we go.
Panel 01
A page-wide panel with MONTGOMERY PEER, age late-20s, athletic, in full black & blue superhero costume, shot from his waist up, arms akimbo and hands resting over his hips, looking kind of restless at the dead center of the panel, facing the reader, against a backdrop of large rock formations and eerie cliffs at twilight.
1.CAPTION/NARRATOR: Seven years later.
2.CAPTION/NARRATOR: The present.
3.PEER: So?
4.PEER: Jesus Christ if that’s the way you usually greet old friends after so long then just go straight to the bar and buy me a beer, sailor...
5.CAPTION/NARRATOR: Ahh. It’ll take us some time getting used to it I suppose…
Panel 02
A page-wide panel with Peer looking contemplative: holding his chin with his right hand, with right elbow leaning over left arm crossed around his solar plexus.
6.CAPTION/NARRATOR: …but there’s the whole attitude thing again. I like that
7.PEER: Five bucks you just can’t wait to get to ‘em catchphrases…
8.PEER: “Solidarity is for assh*les.” Remember that one?
9.CAPTION/NARRATOR: Sure. 1996 and the Centurion- yourself- and Lightpath had just gotten themselves- yourselves- in a brawl against the archangel Gabriel. That was pretty cool.
Panel 03
Peer looks down on the backside of his left wrist, as if looking at a watch (which isn’t there). The sky behind him has just gotten a little darker.
10.PEER: Is it just me or did it really take you a full hour between last panel and this one?
11.CAPTION/NARRATOR: Sorry. Off to lunch and so on.
12.CAPTION/NARRATOR: But I did leave the restaurant on earlier so I could come back here and at least see us through the bit in which you get to fly.
Panel 04
Tight on Peer, we can see he’s smiling from the creasings on his mask.
13.PEER: Why would I fly? I mean, where to? What for?
14.CAPTION/NARRATOR: Okay, I don’t really think this is working anyway.
Panel 05
Peer scratches the back of his head in a rather funny manner.
15.PEER: This is real awkward, you know…
16.CAPTION/NARRATOR: It is.
17.CAPTION/NARRATOR: I haven’t plotted this through, see? This is what happens when we’re all pumped up and full of good intentions, but without a solid premise to fall back on…
18.CAPTION/NARRATOR: At least so as to frame the dialogue, y’know? Because simply typing down “Peer flies off into the sunset, away from the reader” just doesn’t cut it. That’s not flying.
Panel 6
Peer flies off into the sunset, away from the reader.
19.PEER: If you wanna see some real flying man, just remember: Plot first, then the script.
20.CAPTION/NARRATOR: Well, that was particularly… well either inspiring or nihilistic, I suppose.
21.CAPTION/NARRATOR: At least we got to learn a valuable lesson here. And the “buy me a beer, sailor” line itself was pretty inspired anyway. I think I’m keeping that one.
22.CAPTION/NARRATOR: And also, there’s no way Peer’s dressing up in a costume ever again. Regardless of the story. I mean, the freakin’ 1990s are over anyhow and he could probably do with but a cool shirt and some designer sneakers anyway, maybe a tattoo too...
Okay, back here next week for the second attempt...
Consider this a “pre-flight inspection” of some sort, completely unrelated to and independent from anything else, either past or present stories or continuities, with the sole objective of seeing how my handling of the character- and the character himself- have both fared after all these years.
We open this one tight on Montgomery Peer, age late-20s, athletic, in full black & blue skintight superhero costume… and I’ll pretty much think of the rest of it as we go.
Panel 01
A page-wide panel with MONTGOMERY PEER, age late-20s, athletic, in full black & blue superhero costume, shot from his waist up, arms akimbo and hands resting over his hips, looking kind of restless at the dead center of the panel, facing the reader, against a backdrop of large rock formations and eerie cliffs at twilight.
1.CAPTION/NARRATOR: Seven years later.
2.CAPTION/NARRATOR: The present.
3.PEER: So?
4.PEER: Jesus Christ if that’s the way you usually greet old friends after so long then just go straight to the bar and buy me a beer, sailor...
5.CAPTION/NARRATOR: Ahh. It’ll take us some time getting used to it I suppose…
Panel 02
A page-wide panel with Peer looking contemplative: holding his chin with his right hand, with right elbow leaning over left arm crossed around his solar plexus.
6.CAPTION/NARRATOR: …but there’s the whole attitude thing again. I like that
7.PEER: Five bucks you just can’t wait to get to ‘em catchphrases…
8.PEER: “Solidarity is for assh*les.” Remember that one?
9.CAPTION/NARRATOR: Sure. 1996 and the Centurion- yourself- and Lightpath had just gotten themselves- yourselves- in a brawl against the archangel Gabriel. That was pretty cool.
Panel 03
Peer looks down on the backside of his left wrist, as if looking at a watch (which isn’t there). The sky behind him has just gotten a little darker.
10.PEER: Is it just me or did it really take you a full hour between last panel and this one?
11.CAPTION/NARRATOR: Sorry. Off to lunch and so on.
12.CAPTION/NARRATOR: But I did leave the restaurant on earlier so I could come back here and at least see us through the bit in which you get to fly.
Panel 04
Tight on Peer, we can see he’s smiling from the creasings on his mask.
13.PEER: Why would I fly? I mean, where to? What for?
14.CAPTION/NARRATOR: Okay, I don’t really think this is working anyway.
Panel 05
Peer scratches the back of his head in a rather funny manner.
15.PEER: This is real awkward, you know…
16.CAPTION/NARRATOR: It is.
17.CAPTION/NARRATOR: I haven’t plotted this through, see? This is what happens when we’re all pumped up and full of good intentions, but without a solid premise to fall back on…
18.CAPTION/NARRATOR: At least so as to frame the dialogue, y’know? Because simply typing down “Peer flies off into the sunset, away from the reader” just doesn’t cut it. That’s not flying.
Panel 6
Peer flies off into the sunset, away from the reader.
19.PEER: If you wanna see some real flying man, just remember: Plot first, then the script.
20.CAPTION/NARRATOR: Well, that was particularly… well either inspiring or nihilistic, I suppose.
21.CAPTION/NARRATOR: At least we got to learn a valuable lesson here. And the “buy me a beer, sailor” line itself was pretty inspired anyway. I think I’m keeping that one.
22.CAPTION/NARRATOR: And also, there’s no way Peer’s dressing up in a costume ever again. Regardless of the story. I mean, the freakin’ 1990s are over anyhow and he could probably do with but a cool shirt and some designer sneakers anyway, maybe a tattoo too...
Okay, back here next week for the second attempt...
posted by 186282mps at 8:47 AM
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