1/30/2011

Erosion

It’s a Friday night and we’re all meeting together at this restaurant for dinner and I think celebrating Kay’s promotion at the Bank or something like that. I’m sitting right next up to Martha and she’s showing me some photographs of myself she’d taken last year with her cell phone at yet another restaurant but I’m not sure I understand why she’s showing me the pictures because I’m so tired from working late these last couple of weeks I’m not really following her train of thought and I’m zoning out at the end of each sentence of hers.
Then Bryce giggles then mentions something about turkeys but none of us are having turkey and I get a little too addled because there aren’t turkeys on the menu then I realize it’s some funny comment or something someone he knows has posted on Facebook which he’s browsing on his iPhone. Then Dennis orders more champagne before I even realize the first bottle’s already empty. Monika to my left says she’s been training and I just nod even though I have absolutely no idea what she’s talking about, and someone mentions someone else owing him seven bucks and I find it too odd a figure to be owed, and as I look at myself on the mirror behind Martha I notice my eyes are sunk deep and bloodshot.


There was this nightmare I had on the last day of 2010- I dreamed all my friends were gathered somewhere, I think at my place, and we were all talking and laughing and stuff but there was someone else there too, a presence, something dark, sinister, unwanted. When I lifted my eyes I zoomed in dead on to this somebody else, neither male nor female, with amber hair and amber eyes and pale skin.
That he-she smirked and pointed his-her bony finger at me and said I knew who he-she was, that he-she lived inside me and I would never be able to escape, and things were just bound to get worse from then on.
I recalled reading somewhere that if you looked at your own hands in a dream you’ll wake up but I couldn’t move, I was frozen with fright. He-she stood up from his-her chair and loomed closer. I clenched my teeth so tight I woke up from the pain in my jaw.


I’m looking at my own reflection on the mirror at the restaurant tonight and all of a sudden my mind goes blank. I blink and it takes a split-second too long to reopen my eyes. Then for no reason whatsoever I realize I’m bound here, to this, to myself, and that no matter what I do I’ll never get to walk on the moon in my lifetime, and for some reason it just makes me sad.