Two excerpts from another book

“I really can’t see [those specks], baby,” Peyton says, still on the floor.
JD sighs. “Even Peyton can’t see them Victor.”
“Ask the vampire to take off his f*cking sunglasses,” I snarl. “Spare me, man.”
“I will not tolerate being called a vampire, Victor.” Peyton pouts.
“What? You tolerate being sod*mized but not being called Dracula in jest? Am I on the same planet? Let’s move on.” I wave my arm, gesturing at something invisible.


“Shhh, I’m playing,” I tell her. “Yoshi’s eaten four gold coins and he’s trying to find the fifth. I need to concentrate.”
“Oh my god, who gives a sh*t,” Alison sighs. “We’re dealing with a fat midget who rides a dinosaur and saves his girlfriend from a pissed-off gorilla? Victor, get serious.”
“It’s not his girlfriend. It’s Princess Toadstool. And it’s not a gorilla,” I stress. “It’s Lenny Koopa of the evil Koopa clan. And baby, as usual, you’re missing the point.”
“Please enlighten me.”
“The whole point of Super M*rio Bros is that it mirrors life.”
“I’m following.” She checks her nails. “God knows why.”
“Kill or be killed.”
“Time is running out.”
“And in the end, baby, you… are… alone.”
“Right.” She stands up. “Well Victor, that really captures the spirit of our relationship, honey.” She disappears into a closed bigger than the bedroom. “If you had to be interviewed by Worth magazine on the topic of Damien’s Nint*ndo stock, you’d want to kill Yoshi too.”
“I guess this is all just beyond the realm of your experience,” I murmur. “Huh?”

Bret Easton Ellis