What nature abhors

A portrait of the devil’s workshop:
A single, recently-turned-unattached-once-again (oh well, it happens…) young man, age 27, a wee bit too high on ye olde usual, seemingly omnipresent Absolut-and-Sprite, attempting to vacuum the bathroom sink.

No, wait: It is gonna make sense, swear to god.
I mean, it didn’t really make any sense when I was telling my mother on the phone afterwards but hey, despite the sheer handwork of it being a little too much on the insane side, I think the theory of it still holds…

Now, since hair length hasn’t been an issue with me for years now (gee thanks dad) I’ve grown pretty fond of the bare-blade buzz cut, now more than ever, but the b*tch is the mess it turns my bathroom into. I mean, all those tiny hairs stuck to the wall tiles and to the porcelain of the sink, it takes some superhuman effort to clean the bathroom afterwards.
So last Saturday I came up with this real bright idea of, hey, if I can vacuum a carpet then why the hell can’t I vacuum the bathroom sink?

Now, by “bathroom sink” you’re probably thinking, “Okay he means the porcelain”, and also that, providing the porcelain’s dry enough, a vacuum cleaner just ought to do the work just fine there. Up to an extent.
I mean, the extent being the sheer boundary of my absent-minded, now-unattached imagination: So I also attempted at vacuuming the inside of the sink, just to know what gives.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Domestic vacuum cleaners actually are strong enough to pull water from sinks;
2. The paper bags from vacuum cleaners, however, aren’t really strong enough to trap that water in place;
3. In most vacuum cleaners there’s this cloth bag behind the disposable paper one;
4. The cloth bag isn’t really disposable;
5. The cloth bag also isn’t really washable. Now imagine my surprise…;
6. Vacuum cleaners usually don’t have a watertight casing;
7. You just wouldn’t believe how much floss gathers up inside a sink!;
8. You also wouldn’t believe what ensues whenever you get water to mix up with all the dust specks gathered on that cloth bag inside the casing;
9. People should be really careful when hauling a vacuum cleaner filled with dirty water over the living room carpet;
10. Above all else, do watch out for the fallout droppings from swinging the hose around the kitchen when taking it apart for cleaning…


Coming up next, providing I survive, “Other things to do with a blender!”