Captain Bridesmaid

Today is “Freudian Remembrance Day” at the blog, which means that it´s okay to keep on saying crazy stuff about the Spear of Destiny, only that on this specific day we´ll have to take the Freudian approach and consider it as the phallus of Nazi empowerment or something.
Else you may tell a funny story about your mom (but please keep it clean).

Let´s stick to the latter.
Back when I was a kid I was given the Captain Marvel action figure from the Superpowers toy line. It was a pretty neat action figure, with the sculpt ranging somewhere there in between the Don Newton and Kurt Schaffenberger-after-C.C. Beck versions of the character. It had an embroidered cloth cape with yellow trimmings, and when you squeezed his legs together he´d pop up his arms like if he were getting ready to fly or something.
He also came with this very cool mini-comic book which I´d basically take everywhere with me; I actually took it to the supermarket once with my mom, and I was (pardon the pun) marveled at the fact that Captain Marvel had the stamina of Atlas, and mom was buying milk of that same name.

Now, my parents have always despised superheroes.
Needless to say, it was hate at first sight for my mother and the Captain Marvel action figure; devil-woman must´ve had a chip on her shoulder the size of a sequoia or something. She was as mean as Dr. Sivana and Black Adam and Mr. Mind all rolled into one that day.
“Why is this toy dressed up like a bride,” I was asked in scorn as I waited for my dad´s ride to grandma´s house to lunch.
“It´s his cape,” I said through gritted teeth.
“Looks like a bridal veil to me,” she replied.
“Captain. Marvel. Is. No. Bride.” (More gritted teeth)
“Captain Marvel? Looks like Captain Bridesmaid to me.” It went on like that for the remainder of the week.

When it came to superheroes my parents were supervillains worse than Lex Luthor.
That old Hulk TV show, for instance, scared the crap outta me when I was very small… so every time mom and dad were flipping through the channels and caught the Hulk on, they´d call me right away, not telling me what it was. “C´mon son, you gotta see this!”
I´d cry the night away every damn time. I don´t like the Hulk to this day because of that.

On the other hand I did get over the Captain Bridesmaid thing (eventually). Took me almost two decades but I ended up buying this really cool collector´s edition Captain Marvel action figure a couple of years ago.
No cloth cape on this one, though.