Here today, gone mañana

It´s the coolest thing ever, they are sending me out to Chile, to sunny Santiago as of next Sunday; will work there for a week on this Customer Service-related Oracle-based platform, all very sub-rosa so far, not too many details to go around. I hope I survive. I don´t speak any Spanish.

And when I return I´m probably relieved of my duties, no more vessels to watch over, no more mental calculations in twenty-feet units to perform, no more arguing with money-crazy NVOCCs over fifty bucks lost in an e-mail misunderstanding with the Carrier, no more talking with Deb the lady from the Houston branch with the sexiest accent I´ve ever heard; let Robin the Boy Wonder mind the store now, I´m off to a brand-new beginning here and I guess some changes are in order after all.
Maybe I´ll just crash-burn and return to my previous gig in a month or maybe this is the big jackpot that will see me through life. I don´t know. Still, the outcome changes very little if any, bottom line is, it´s the coolest thing ever, they are sending me out to Chile, et. al.

I just hope the working hours get even longer. I began with eight-a-day but all of a sudden it wasn´t nearly enough and started pulling ten until a twelve-hour day with no lunch break felt like a stroll in the park.
There´s no easy way of putting it, I think I´m one of those dangerous people with the dangerous need of proving something to themselves. In part it´s because I want the world to know that I can take it, I want the world to know that when all hell breaks loose and everybody is down I´m gonna be the one who will shudder but never falter, the one with a crooked half-smile telling you It´s gonna be alright buddy, trust me on this one… But in part I think I was born flawed & what I really want is, I want the world to tell me what my limit really is.

I need proof that I´m alive so I can feel something, so I can feel anything at all.